Sloshed In Translation

I love the world some times ( rarely ), especially when it pulls me out of a lull of the literary genius that I happen to be. That’s right, I’m a genius, it’s a matter of fact and it would behoove the likes of you to accept it, and bask on the awesome alcohol driven glow that is me… I swear, it’s not vodka sweat. Well…. Maybe a little. Anyways, onward to mediocrity!

It seems that as the days grow on and I step closer and closer to liver failure and a shallow grave, people are becoming more and more sensitive to situations that not only don’t exist, but or are psychotically off the wall they are a stone’s throw from wearing foil on their head and screaming something about “thought stealing head lice” on the corner of “Methadone Street” in “Crack Head City” USA. ( Yay run on sentences! ) In this case the sensitivity would be base around racismsexismwhitesupremecyhomophobiatittesTittiesTITTIES! Wait… lost my point there at the end didn’t I? Shit, I think that makes me Sexist. Ah well, I do love the boobs… anywho. Let’s meet “Strigiform”

Continue Reading…

Due to a lack of time and inclination I haven’t been able to make any updates… also the site got suspended for a minute, don’t ask.  Anywho, while I currently have nothing / no-one to bitch about in particular especially since the whole occupy “movement” died out just as fast as I expected it to, I figure while sitting here at the office I would write a list of random things that drive me bat shit insane;

Continue Reading…

I receive a good amount of comments between FaceBook, Google+, Voice Mail, etc.  Most of them are a simple “fuck you” and really aren’t worth bringing to light.  Once in a while though someone will decide to write me a novel for a response that just can’t be ignored, especially when the level of psychosis is this high.  Seriously, this kid seems to think “The Matrix” was a true story, and that he is “Neo”, and that I am “Agent Smith”… it’s kind of cute in its own way.  Scary… but cute.  So let’s just jump right in to Mr Lafonda’s response to “That’s Racist!” shall we?  I am going to go ahead and rip this apart to mainly just his responses, to read the full comment in its simian written confusion go here.

Continue Reading…

I have been accused on multiple occasions of being racist… which well, in all honesty I do in fact walk the line of that sentiment being true considering that “Humans” are considered a “Race” and nine times out of ten I personally think “Humans” are a blight upon this world due to their inherent stupidity.  So yes, I’m racist, I hate people… pretty much all of them.  I am a firm believer that stereotypes exist for a very simple reason; they’re true.  You want me to stop judging you by the way you look?  Stop acting stereotypical.  I don’t care if you’re White, Black, Purple, or Martian… you’re all equally annoying and unreliable.  What really gets on my nerves is the zealots that are marching around like it’s the days when women couldn’t vote, African Americans had to sit in the back of the bus ( which is the cool place to sit anyways so stop bitching ), and being gay wasn’t a everyday thing… yes, “you’re here, you’re queer” we got used to it years ago, no-one cares.  ( Well, suppose some do, but they are non-factor rednecks anyways, why bother trying to change their mind? )  But when you add a solid case of psychosis to the mixture of “my race/religion/sexual preference isn’t being treated fair”, well it just gets entertaining from there.

Meet Wolf!  ( Which is apparently his real name… his parents must have hated his guts. ) Who actually got to my G+ page by searching for the word “Racism”… which apparently the keyword on my page pegs me at the first spot… Momma’d be so proud.

Continue Reading…

Considering that I am a cynical ass hat with little to no sense of humor and a superiority complex  ( calling me an elitist in no way shape or form changes the fact that I’m simply better than you ), it takes a lot for something to actually make me lose my shit laughing.  A while ago I was sent something that did exactly that, so with the permission granted by the author(s), I present to you… “The Book of Lube”;

Continue Reading…

Continue Reading…

Because yes, the ability to print your own money is going to fix the economy.  I’m not even going to rant on this one, it speaks for itself.

So since last night I have been going over some first topic ideas to celebrate the grand re-opening of Sloshed In Translation.  So many topics to cover, so many idiots to publicly defame, where’s a drunken ass hat like myself to begin?!  Then this morning, it happens… it’s like the world’s biggest non-factors just knew what I decided to get myself back in to… there’s blood in the water people, and the stupid can smell it.  For those of you on “The FaceBook” that read it, you’ll know that I had a tiff with the stupidity of an overweight bitch that couldn’t treat the English Language any worse than her Father treated her Mother in that back ally the night she was conceived.… ( Jesus that was dark even for me. )  Enter “The Effeminate White Knight!”

Continue Reading…

Welcome back to Sloshed!  It’s been a whole… uh, couple months.  Not really sure, there’s been a lot of drinking between then and now.  Anywho! Yes, I’m bringing this back, which to a select few apparently is happy days… neato, apparently I actually have some fans.  Here I thought I was just a drunken jackass with nothing better to do than drink and bitch about inconsequential bullshit.
Continue Reading…