Sloshed In Translation

With the tune of Tech N9ne in the background, I do believe it’s time to move on to my next interest of misogynistic amusement.  Before I go full throttle into this next complete piece of human excrement, allow me to give a short, but sweet, introduction as to how this little twat fell into my gaze.  As some of you know, I at times wear synthetic hair.  As a great few of you know, Infected ( an author of P2K ) happens to make said synthetic hair, or dreads, to be overly technical.

Some time ago, Infected, who I will now call GI, for the purpose of saving my fingers decided that it would be a rather good idea to go into business selling said dreads, as her work is top notch and by all means the best that has ever graced the noggin I call my cranium.  She made a flyer for said services, and as most corporate businesses used stock photo found around the internet to display, and explain what said dreads can look like.  Well, as to be expected, in such a small industry, there were those that would do all they could to pick apart the most asinine aspect of said fliers.  Basically, new competition is not welcome.  Everything from pictures, to attitude, to prices was heavily scrutinized.

Well, now it’s my turn to scrutinize.  My first target? Lorelei.

Lorelei, or cunt as I shall refer to her from here on out, is a 21 year old New Yorker… hrm.  Nebris was from New York… I am beginning to see a pattern of psychosis and human uselessness here.  Reminder:  Avoid New York, this kind of stupidity seems to be contagious.  Anyways, I seem to have lost my point.

The first picture I saw of cunt was on LJ, which I thought was photo shopped as a zombie… after I looked at her MySpace, I realized, that’s actually what she looked like.  Which, slightly made my die inside.  I literally did a double take when I saw the full sized picture, this bitch really does scare the living hell out of me with her physical attributes.  Though, making comments about ones visual persona is easy, let’s move on to the gold mine. The MySpace/Live Journal profile.

Now, there’s a lot of inane babble here, so I am going to cut some of it out as well… it’s a little bit like shooting fish in a barrel:

“Don’t come at me with ‘Hey baby’ or ‘whats up cutie’.”

Well that’s easy, being that calling you cutie would be a lot like calling G.W.B. the pinnacle of human intelligence.

“I have the best Zomboy, and he is more handsome, sexy, and intelligent that you.”

Well, I’m glad he has the intelligence, as A: Zomboy isn’t a word, and “that you” is just stupid.  A fairly obtuse statement if you ask me though, being that well, he seems like a nice enough guy, but he looks a wee bit like Lumber Jack Jim.

“If anything, message him and let him know how lucky he is.”

Is he blind?  If not, I wouldn’t consider him lucky.  Maybe as lucky as the cat I found that died of two weeks after… that I also happened to name Lucky.

“And then he will probably pound your face in ^_^”

So, you’re apparently proud that if someone compliments you or him for his blind choice in a mate, he will “pound” someone’s “face in”.  Why do I see this ending in a domestic dispute quickly?  Not that any human can make that face of yours any less of an eye sore in the first place.

Now cunt is a roller girl apparently, which would explain the drop in IQ I’d assume… or the massive blows of semen to the back of the throat in the dressing room.  Either or. Their little slogan though says it all for me:

“Queefing is our favorite move…we’ll kick your ass and punch your boob!Wedge those panties, snap those bras! Devil Dollies bustin’ jaws!!!

We can jam, and we can block…Devil Dollies really rock!!!”

I really have nothing to say about that… it speaks for itself.

There is some other random garbage on her page, including some German she translated from Babelfish, but let’s get past that here for a second.  In her “Hates” section she says that she hates drama, but further down the page she says, and I quote:

“I am a Narcissistic, drama queen, craving fame and all its decadence.”

Ok… drama queen?  So I wonder which personality likes the drama.  Hopefully, one that’s actually worth the human tissue that her mother so selfishly wasted instead of utilizing a coat-hanger.

Let’s skip down to “Who she’d like to meet”, now I seem to think this is a joke, but there is a part of this that makes me want to projectile vomit on a baby seal:

“hackers, backstabbers, internet lurkers, sex offenders They are the best.”

Hackers?  And she lumped them in with the rest of that list?  Apparently we have some issues with our own level of intelligence.

Little one, my kind, does not associate with your kind.  We prefer to have conversations above the level say, a 2^nd grader.  If we wanted to go talk to your general run-of-the-mill goth slut…

We’d go to hot topic for a few seconds.

That’s it, move on, go to bed.

I know I will be…

Eventually.