Sloshed In Translation

Before I start this off, let me give you a little background into the situation, as not all of you follow the development cycle of abandon ware.  In August of 2001 ( 8 years ago ) a no-name company, which I can’t recall the name of, nor can I be bothered to look up as I have more important tasks in my day to attend to… such as not looking up the name of a no-name company that was destined to fail before it was a half-baked thought found at the bottom of a cheap glass of vodka…

Getting off topic here…

ANYWAYS! Some random Norwegian morons announced that they were in the beginning stages of developing a game that will revolutionize the market!  The game was described as nothing short of the cure for cancer, erectile dysfunction, and a jump start to your greasy 30-year-old-living-in-Moms-basement sex life, this majestic failure of the gaming industry was to be called; “DarkFall”  Shortly thereafter, said Norwegian morons basically ran out of funding and joined forces with some Greek no-name morons ( December 2002 ).  Three years later ( September 2005 ), the DarkFail website sported a fancy new clan sign-up for closed beta, which of course, never actually happened.  On year later ( February 2006 ) in an attempt to appease the few followers left in their community, they decided to release a 1.5 minute video of their game-play, which essentially to the intelligent person was in all actuality mostly 3D Studio max rendered flyovers of cities, and the like.

This was when the no-name morons spin-doctor; “Tasos Flambouras” ( Seriously, that is his name, hold the homosexual references until after the presentation please ) really came into the light of the public, but we will get to that complete douche canoe in part two of this. July of 2006 they announced that preparations were under way for DarkFail to go into beta ( again ), though the company had no official publishers at the time.  Six months later ( January 2007 ) they announced that they were in negotiations with multiple publishers and had fully functional, and stable beta servers running.  ( I hope you are beginning to see a trend emerging here, if not, you must be a DarkFail fan boy, or a complete dolt… as redundant as that statement was. )

August of 2007 they announced that beta would not begin until all negotiations with possible publishers were completed, and to no surprise “Tacos FlameFuckMeInTheAss” was busy informing the world of how great he was, as usual.  Between that time and April of 2008 ( About the time that they had announced that the game would go into beta sometime later that year ) more videos were released, which of course looked nothing like the original videos, Tacos had announced that the game was 100% stable, feature complete, and could release that day “if they wanted to”, but would not release before a full cycle of closed, as well as public beta.

August of 2008 DarkFail finally went into closed beta ( And hell was reported to have officially frozen over ).  December of 2008, Tacos announced that DarkFail would release to the European market January 22, 2009, which then of course when January 22^nd came around Tacos announced that DarkFail would release at the end of February 25^th… then actually released February 26^th…

Then crashed and was down for a week.

At this moment, as no proper amount of testing was ever performed, DarkFail is in what is considered by most intelligent gamers as a Pay-To-Test Limited Closed Beta while they work out the fact that their technology is half-ass, dated, and written by what one could only assume to be 15 year olds’ fresh out of a Computers 101 class.  With the “company” only allowing 500-1000 people to purchase the game at a time, and announcing that they have been banning hundreds of players ( which once banned, you have to actually go and cancel your subscription, or they will continue to bill you, regardless of your account being banned… that’s classy ).

This should have you nice and primed and ready for tomorrows continuation of the Flailing in the Dark series where I will delve into Tacos a bit more, as yes, this guy is worthy of an article dedicated to his exploits in stupidity.