Sloshed In Translation

So I realize that it has been much longer than a day, but works been a bit busy.  Yes, I know, the burning question: “If you’re so awesome, how come you have to work huh?”.  Well I have to, because I am awesome, and I am awesome, because I said so.  Done.

At any rate for those of you that missed my last post in the series “Flailing in the Dark”, or decided to go the less awesome; “I never passed grade school TL;DR” route, allow me to sum it up for you.  A game was developed for about 8 years, the developers of the game are compulsive liars, and its community has the combined intelligence of those of you that believed in the swine flu scare…. Oh, and Tasos Flaming ass is the ringer leader to Americas future welfare recipients.  Oh yeah, and the game is called DarkFail… err, DarkFall.. yes, DarkFall.

In this part ( Part 2 for you slow learners ), will firstly be a bit shorter than part one, and also will be focusing on a man more in love with himself than Obama Bin Laden…  wait, I mean… no wait never mind I meant exactly what I said… ANYWAYS!  On with the show!

Allow me to paint a picture for you here, take every jock you’ve ever met, couple that with a social disorder that can only be described with “I’ve never touched anyone of the female gender”, add a dash of compulsive liar, and a side of greasy Greek and you have Tasos Flambouras.

Tasos enjoys Sailing, Videogames, Martial arts, Music, Binge Eating and creeping the fuck out of mildly attractive women. ( Tasos obviously being the far right douche-canoe ).  Though I find the martial arts interest amusing being that by the looks of him, the only thing he has ever gotten in a arm-bar is a case of Crisco…

Through his career Tasos has been the public eye of DarkFail, breaking promise after promise, proclaiming how amazing the game is, as well as how awesome he thinks he is… which I find offensive as anyone of this magnitude of failure is obviously no-where near my level of awesomeness.  While citing exact accounts of how much in love this man is with himself would be proper, it is a lot easier for me to tell you to go to google and search for the following; “Tasos Flambouras interview”, seriously, go, I’ll wait…. 

See?  Told ya, the guy is a walking advertisement to kids with nerd-rage everywhere.  You know the kids that spend hundreds of dollars on their cosplay suits to go to some random convention only to walk away still a virgin?  Yeah, he makes them look cool.

Being that I have basically said everything I can about who he is, there is one story I would like to tell you about this closet dwelling freak of nature that happened rather recently;

A bit ago a gaming site called EuroGamer did a review of DarkFail, this gaming site of course not accepting bribes from companies like most others  ( Read: PCGamer, GameSpy, IGN ) gave DarkFail a horrid review… rightfully so as the game is an atrocity to all man-kind, as I will get to in part 4 more than likely.  Well, Tasos would have none of this!  So, he proceeded to inform the world that the review didn’t spend any time in the game and that he could prove it by sending logs of his account claiming that “SQL Logs can’t be falsified.”

Seriously… he said that.  If you don’t know why this is funny, allow me to show you!

update tblPlayerStats
set MinutesPlayed = 300
where name = ‘EuroGamerReviewer’;

That’s it!  That’s all a person has to do the change the logs in a SQL database!

Hey, Tasos, you might want to consult your tech’s before publicly blithering your stupidities and expecting intelligent society ( Read: Those that aren’t fans of DarkFail ) to believe you.  Well, EuroGamer, giving Tasos the benefit of the doubt ( For some fuck all reason ) offered a re-review of the game via a different reviewer.

Long story short this is how it went;

Tasos: DELETE REVIEW OR WE SUE YOU!
EuroGamer: Would you like a re-review?
Tasos: NO, WE SUE NAO!
EuroGamer: …Ok, well, when you want that re-review let us know.
Tasos: FINE! WE WANT RE-REVIEW!
EuroGamer: Ok, send the account information.
Tasos: NO! YOU NOT RE-REVIEW YER STOOPID BAI!
EuroGamer: …Okie dokie then.

Tasos went on in childish nature ( as expected ) to bitch and moan about how unprofessional EuroGamer is, yada.

I think you pretty much got the point by this time right?

Oh, by the way, Tasos, all content contained within this site is not projected as fact, it is in fact the property, and OPINION of the reviewer.

…just like it is of my OPINION, you are a raging homosexual.

Stay tuned!  Next article: The DarkFail Community