Sloshed In Translation

While Halloween has already passed, I can’t help but to think back to some of the parties I attended and shudder at the shear idiocy of some individuals.  While that last statement doesn’t include all people who like to get all dressed up for the occasion, sadly, it does cover the moral majority.  So, in my infinite wisdom I have decided to help you all with some late, although important suggestions for next year’s Halloween… hey, it just might save you from looking like a complete idiot.

Firstly, if you DO find yourself going to a Halloween party, dress up, that’s the point of the occasion… no-one likes a lazy retard that is only there for the booze and to eventually make an ass of themselves for getting too touchy feely on the pretty girls in skimpy clothing… and I don’t want to hear; “I can’t afford a costume!” when I know for a fact $10 and the Halloween store equates to a perfectly acceptable costume…  with that in mind, allow me to illustrate what is NOT an acceptable costume;

• Girls, I realize you want to dress up as that sexy heroine from your favorite game, cartoon, movie, etc…. but please, when you look like you have the capacity to EAT Lilu Dallas?… don’t attempt to dress the part.  This goes for men as well.
• “Slut” is not a costume.  While you may be adept at the lifestyle of BEING a slut… dressing like one only assures that you are doing nothing but notifying the world that you are chock full of insecurities and issues of abandonment. 
• “Wolverine” is overdone.  Stop it.  No-one is impressed by your Wal-Mart claws, fake side burns, or the bald spot you are attempting so desperately to hide with that stupid ass hair cut.  There are plenty of very good comic book characters to choose from… I suggest finding one that more suits your mid-life crisis..this also goes for Sephiroth, Cloud, Batman, and Superman.
• Dressing like your stereotypical self is also not a costume… unless you were intentionally going for “Under-educated, over-privileged, for some reason I wear my pants below my knees, I’m so hard-core ghetto playa’”… which if you were, I suggest you re-consider leaving the house… ever.
• Blood is an ACCENT to your costume… not the costume itself.  Much like alcohol and firearms, use with moderation and care… lest you end up looking like a tampon, or Lady Gaga.

While I’m sure there are hundreds of these I could go in to, I feel that these steps are at least a good starting point to making sure you don’t end up looking like a complete douche canon during your Halloween festivities.