Sloshed In Translation

Well I think I’ve had enough fun with the juggalos for a bit, lets move on to something a bit more delusional shall we? Let’s see here, whats more delusional than white kids pretending to be African American… hrmmm… OH! Twilight Fans! Let’s face it, there has never been a more amusing time in American media based around the ages 12-19 than now. Every Emo kid on the planet these days has delusions of grandeur regarding being a sparkling “vegetarian” vampires that sparkle brighter than the jazziest hands known to mankind.

Enter Carpcirrus… yes the beginning of his name… is “carp”. Do you people even know what a carp is?! Here ya go, here’s a carp, and I can only assume this is his father featured in the picture. Ah yes, a vampire bred by a carp fucking redneck… only in America people! Let’s get on to the description of this self destructive little cockblood sucker, shall we?

Well gee… I’m a bit confused, one part of his profile says he is from hell… the other says he is Carpathian… and yet ANOTHER spot says he is from St Petersburg, Florida… hrm, m’thinks we have a problem with multiple personalities happening here… I wonder which one, if any as actually remotely sane. Let’s see!

Im a carpathian vampyr

Well, there goes that idea of sanity. Where to start, where to start. Firstly, you might want to credit your assumed country by capitalizing the “c”… secondly, you spelled Vampire wrong. Off to a brilliant start!

derived from the carpathian mountain.

Pst, derived is not a synonym for “from”, or “born”… just a tip. Also, I’m sure you know this… you know being that you are “derived” from them, but there is more than one “Carpathian Mountain”… it’s a range of mountains… little lake in the middle, rather quaint I might add.

Make fun of me as you wish

Finally, a request I can live up to!

but im happy with who i am.

I have a theory about this actually. Have you ever looked at the homeless people in your city? I don’t meant the normal hobos, I’m talking about the people that walk around talking to themselves. Don’t they look like they are having an awesome time? Just walking around… talking to their invisible friends… having a blast.

I dont fly shapeshift or kill people for blood.

Of course not, because that would be WAY too far-fetched… you just sparkle in the sun light… and have horrible acting skills… and played Shark Boy at one point. ( You guys realize that Emo kid from Twilight was Shark Boy… right? )

Im also studying Seax wicca.

So wait, you’re a Vampire… and you are studying a “religion” that was invented in the late 1970′s? Cutting yourself a bit short aren’t you?

i’m in a very powerfull cult which travels around the world.

Oh please god let it be another heavens gate cult. Ok kid, here’s some advice, come 2012, DRINK THE KOOL-AID, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY, DRINK THE GOD DAMNED KOOL-AID.

I take any actions to protect me and my family or my race without remorse

Translation: I tell my parents someone was being mean to me, and if that doesn’t work, I ban them from my chat room! I R BIG SCARY VAMPIRE!

I am not the person to mess with but if you wanna be an ally its ok

Be warned, if you do, he will give you a hickey.

choose fo and you’ll become part of a nightmare.

“Choose fo”? Fo?! Did I just get transported to a bad (irony) episode of Pokemon?! “Emo Kid, I choose foooooooooooooooooo!.”

…Blah blah blah, he likes piercings, he was a douche and pieced the webbing between his thumb and anal play finger, listens to metal, yada yada…. he enjoys camping ( no shit, he included that )…

I am allergic to the son

The son? Which son? Oooh, you meant the SUN.. gotcha. Thats odd, you have three pictures on your profile that feature you… uhm… in the Sun? Odd. Must not be a bad allergy. Wait wait wait, is this like when I said I was allergic to a full time job, because that didn’t get me very far in the real world.

it has been proven to specialist i must stay inside durring the daytime.

…Wow, that was barely English. I’m sure someone understands it but Nicole and Infected are watching Rocky Horror in the background and I’ve been drinking like an Irishman whilst beating his red headed step… wife.

Wait.

What?