SubscribeWhen I started the previous weeks games with the “I’m so thug my Mom buys my socks for me” kids there was one that has been piping up in their cute little chat room acting “Hard”. The problem I had with playing with him is that he’s 15 years old… and generally speaking I *TRY* to leave the pre-pubescent alone. So in this case you are going to notice I go just a LITTLE bit easier on the child… Don’t want to over-step legal boundaries, so on, so forth.
So we all remember the voice mails yes? Someone butchering the English language in an attempt to… hell I don’t know… intimidate me I suppose? As someone said on face book about one of those posts, a “Telephone Badass”, I believe that was the term. Which was actually fitting, blocking his number, talking what I suppose in his leave it to beaver town is considered “trash”… you know… a normal Monday in my world. Well you also remember that because he was blocking his number ( Which is registered in what I can only assume is a family members name… really stupid idea. ) so I really had no idea who was babbling on the other end. Knowing that these kids have a psychotic level of pseudo-self-accomplishment… I intentionally called out their man-child leader, and openly blamed him for the email… that’d piss off whoever it was enough to come forward.
Ahhh the human condition, isn’t it fun?
Naturally, Jared skipped to the sound of my drums… *sigh*, I remember when I actually had to try to get these kids to dance for me… oh, at least it makes for good entertainment! So, before I start getting off track ( like I do ), allow me to introduce! Baby Juggalower Your Standards! He can’t drink! He can’t smoke! But god damn-it all… HE R TUFF!
( Keep in mind this kid asked me multiple times in this voicemail, and about 5 times in their chat room to write a “bloAG” about him… I finally decided that he really needs attention, parents are probably separated, he just wants someone to love him. )
Enter, the voicemail, as transcribed as close as possible to how he speaks;
Alright uhhh.. Luciiiid or whatever the fuck yer name iiiisss.
Remember kids, Marijuana affects your speech patterns… in this case, in a very… VERY obvious manner.
Alight, this is gunna be the first REAL voice mail yer gunna get.
The other ones must have been imaginary. Damn it, I hate it when figments call my phone and leave me threatening messages.
This is Jailbait Jared
Ok, the term “Jailbait” generally speaks to the idea of someone below the age of 18 that is desirable to those above the age of 18… resulting in possible jail time… He’s defiantly underage… but that desirable part? Yeah, delusions of grandeur… seems to be a trend with his genre.
pretty sick if what yer sayin’
I’m typing it, not saying it. Saying requires there is a voice… well, in my world it does at least, which in my world, 90% of the time, I’m correct 100% of the time.
ya know…
Why yes, I do believe I know what you are saying. ( Sorry, obvious South Park reference there. )
bout my family and shit ya know yer sittin here talkin shit yer sittin here
I said nothing about Sylvester or any of your real family… delusional little child… now stop being redundant.
writin these bloAGs that make… I would say no ( whither? ) sense here…
I really honestly don’t know what he said, it sounded like “whither”… also, if you listen to the voicemail, it seems he has a slight speech impediment… what the fuck is a “bloAG”?
but… ya know in YOUR opinion that makes a lot of sense but then again that’s becuz yer an alcoholic like who, you know sits on yer computer and does nothing.
Read above, 90% -> 100%… though you don’t make much sense there… If I was sitting at my computer doing nothing, this site wouldn’t be here. Poor little confused child… and lastly… look at the domain name sparky, read the posts, calling me an alcoholic is like calling your gene pool shallow… we all know it, there’s no point in stating it.
Yer gunna keep writing and yer gunna keep writing and typing a-fucking-way
In all seriousness, have you smoked so much weed that you have a .5 second span of memory? You LITTERALLY just said the same fucking thing not once, not Twice… but THRICE!
Do it. Just go do it.
You know, Tiger Woods just did it… now he has to pay some ugly chick 300 million USD. I prefer not “Just Doing It”… that and my fiancée could more than likely kick my ass. No way I’m walking away from that one.
Because you know what?
Dogs can’t look up?
Yer not realizing… that these little bloAGs are not affecting anybody here
Says the man that just keeps on coming back! Hey, maybe you could leave me another close to three minute voicemail telling me how much you don’t care. Convincing.
it’s just making you look like a dumb alcoholic FUCK! Which… you are… you are a stupid alcoholic fuck…
You already said that… remember? Wait, maybe you don’t. Poor little stoner.
and yer not getting anywhere in life… whitch yer little website.
I wasn’t aware I was attempting to “get anywhere in life” with my website… I was always under the impression it was for my entertainment. Now entertain me puppet!
Keep typing away Sir.
…I can so do that.
But you know, if that’s whatcher gunna do, that’s whatcher gunna do, and I guess we can’t stop you.
Redundant… but that is one of the more intelligent conclusions you’ve come to thus far.
But uh, as I said I gave you an invitation to the Fag House Gathering
No thank you, I don’t go that way, but thank you for the compliment, I’m very happy you find me attractive.
and if you’d LIKE to come… go ahead and do it.
Wow… please, stop coming on to me kid. You’re just embarrassing yourself…
Leaves(?) July 6.. though the 13..uuuhhh, yeah the 13th here and its gunna be in Port Orchard, Washington
Yes, another kid from a town that has a crime rate of… my testicles. Man these kids are “hard”.
Now, I’m personally inviting you, because this will be held at my home.
( What the 15 year old means to say is his Grand-Mothers house. )
Aaand, you know, theres gunna be DJ Fag House there, and prolly Critter will be there, hey maybe Tiff will be there… so… you know all yer little people thatchoknow wanna have beef with are going to be there Sir…
Well at least he respects his elders… though calling me Sir won’t change the fact that if Tiff is going to be there, there won’t be enough beef for anyone else.
So you know if you wanna be a man and face them… do it.
Last time I checked flying to the contrast coast to beat up some fat kids and a girl is not exactly what is considered acting like… “a man”.
And hey, if any shit starts… you can step, you can fucking step to any of em.
Step? I don’t want to step. Want to dance. Lord of the dance. BOW BEFORE MY SKIPPITY FEET!
You can have a sanctioned fight…
Sanctioned? Really… and who is the legal authority that is sanctioning this event?
Because we already have.. a little… couple events going down involving fighting
( Talking about how “badass” Juggalos are. )
and wrestling
( Latently homosexual snuggling. )
and some MMA
( Angry, sweaty, snuggling. )
Sooo… if you’d like to step to them, please do Sir.
There’s that respecting his elders again. You know, I really can’t hate him too much, he keeps addressing me as his superior… brings a tear to my eye.
Anyway, yer gunna put this on yer little bloAG… whatever, go ahead and do it… I don’t give a fuck….. but, before I hang up, I’s jus gunna letchu know… that no matter what you do, no matter what you say, you don’t have any information on any of these people…
Blah blah blah blah, you’ve already said this. Being redundant again, put down the pipe sparky.
Not even Me.
Your online alias is Jared Jailbait, other-wise known as Jared Plique. The phone you are dialing me from is registered to one; Sylvester Plique. From what I gather you live with, or near your grand-mother Helen ( more than likely with ). You took very adorable pictures on your birthday ( 13th ) with her. Your aunt Jennifer died at 12:45PM Tuesday, August 21st 2007. I’m sure you and Brenden and Joey were just “crushed”. In some parts of the world you are “Engaged to the best girl in the whole world”, in other you are currently looking for “Juggalettes” on ICP related dating sites…. By the way, stop calling people and harassing their girlfriends… though that could have been Sylvester… the report doesn’t signify one or the other. Shall I continue?
All you have on us, is what you can get from our profile… and if you want… write a whole fuckin bloAG about Fag House Sir… I’ma letchu go now…
Thanks for playing, sorry I don’t have a tacky T-Shirt to offer as a consolation prize.
Por quuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuéééééééééééééééééééééé
¿Cómo estás?
Usually I would end this with something amusing or entertaining… but Tekken 6 is stealing my attention. So pretend I said something funny.
…then laugh about it.
…and tell me what I said… so I can laugh too.
[ Phone: (404) 939-7635 ] [ AIM: uidLucid ] [ Email ]
I think his friend called you gay at some point at the end there… I dunno, I was 2 beers in by that time. … but it seemed like he had his friend babysitting him so he seemed bigger. Like he played it up for the audience.
Ya know what, you’re 2 beers in, I’m 4 screw-drivers in… I think it’s best at this point not to ponder the plans these people have for my anus.
Fuck you, Sir…
I feel that Tiger Woods’ soon to be ex-wife is hot, so, fuck you.. SIr… for stepping to my taste in women. mmmmmmmm Swedish Au’ Pair nannies..
Thank you,
Mgmt
P.S.
Synergize, Motherfuckers
Meh, she looks like every other manufactured chick on the planet. Dime a dozen. Boring.
Alright post this comment instead of hiding most as you usualy do first off you took the time to learn shit about me which is funny in all honesty because you actualy took the time to learn about my family and find a old picture of me taken when i was 12 you must have no life if thats what you will do plus to butcher the english language when you type is quite funny but the fact of the matter is i was no trying to imtimidate you at all and i dont need to at that im letting you know that whatever you want to say about me doesnt mean shit you have alot of bullshit here that means nothing so take the time to just keep writing because as said you are a stupid alcoholic fuck who needs to entertain themselves by writing blogs on others who have better lives than you
I don’t “hide” any comments. Haven’t read most of this, will get around to it when I get done with work.
You don’t have to be an alcoholic to be entertained by the shitstorm that comes with just barely insulting someone on the internet, even though they ‘don’t care’.
But it certainly helps.
Why don’t you both just leave one another alone. Personally I don’t see the point in posting blogs about people you probably don’t even know in person, it’s just the internet, and same for phone calls. I dont really care who started this, i just wanted to voice my opinion on this matter. Yes, I am a friend of Jared, but I just thought that instead of all this going on, why don’t you just leave one another alone.
Will, get a hair-cut. Ya damned hippy.
i like my hair
Shutup, Will.
i hope u dot think ur attractive and who are u to say someone is ugly are u even a girl fuck off fall in a hole eat a dick eat shit and die
“are u even a girl fuck off”
No, I am not a girl.
Also: http://c3.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/39/l_29a6960c052948e99454a95c61d337de.jpg
I think I might even be a girl. But… but I’m just not sure. ;_;
We can both be girls!
baby huey is here hey lucid do u have a gay raver convention to go to. go put sum colorful fake hair on and ur sisters pants and her shirt that says daddys lil girl and fuck off. go fuck wit sum ppl who might care for what u say about them bc we dont
I can tell how much you “don’t care” by your constant returning to butcher the English language.
I’ll never get over how people claim to not care and yet they keep on leaving comments. C’mon, guys. THINK. Make it hard.
All the way hard.
Im enjoying the massive fuckton of a run on sentence as Lucid is being battered for butchering the english language. Heh, I have nothing better to do at the moment but add to this…oh yeah and Lucid…F off queer bait.
Indeed, the opening of my response to it was planned to be “Holy Run On Stentence Batman!”
I’d like to point out that not a goddamn person in this comment field deserves the right to tell anyone that they’re butchering any language. Twat.
Y’know, except the guy that owns the domain, since he can say whatever he wants.
>_>
LOL, nice save.
Man. You are hogging all the fun, Lucid.
Hey now, you can register an account and post just like me ya know.
lucid is my basterd son
I wonder if he has ever heard of webster’s dictionary or if he even finished second grade. He sure doesnt sound like he ever has. And dumbass who wishes he fucked lucids mom since his mom wouldnt go to prom with him, its bastArd. You clearly need to learn what a dictionary is too. I’m pretty sure all computers are capable of spell check but it may be too advanced for you to use.
Wow, this really solved so much. Juggalos are just so horrible and we have to degrade each of them one by one, right? I don’t get where you’re really going with this, if you are even trying to go anywhere with this, but it’s immature. I’m just guessing you’re around 30, think you’re on top of the world, huh? Let’s all post blogs about people we know nothing about. I’m suggesting it’s time for you to invest into some counseling, and possibly a vacation. Seems like you need some time away from your computer, You might start posting blogs about deceased people. You truly have no life. The emphasis on the grammer and pronounciation of what was said is absolutely un-called for. I’m a juggalo and, hey look! I can spell. You are getting into a subject you obviously know nothing about. It must be fun trying to make fun of fifteen year-olds when you’re 30, or so. You’re a bigot, and we’ll gladly watch you burn.
Hmmmmmmmm I think this guy is talking to much shit so I am going to take this site done and Yes I can do that as cause I am a hacker/bot net user But I am not going to be here log or is it going to take long for this site to be fucked up So have fun with it I will give you 2 days to read and copy what you want from it to your notepad and NEVER FUCK WITH JUGGALO”S!! We always have back up there buddy and Get a life and stop trying to spy on a fucking kid just to get your damn dick up you butt fucking fag. 2 Days Count down nicely.
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This site down in two days? Really? What ever will we do if that happens? Oh wait, its the internet…I almost forgot…but who really wants to put all of that time into registering for a site all over again. Also, I thought that police only cared about internet crimes of wackjobs trying to meet kids on “To Catch a Predator” heh its hilarious…they could try to catch that prince that keeps trying to give me 12 million dollars…its a shame that I dont have the $1200 he needs to get the process started.
Nah he just means “hold it down”… wont actually go anywhere, you just wont be able to connect to it until he gets bored or the ISP sends him to federal.