Sloshed In Translation

 Well I was going to continue playing with Jared but in all honesty this has become a bit stale. It’s basically turned in to a back and forth of me writing, him calling me sir and trying to convince me how much he doesn’t care. Also threatening to sue me… which, well, he can’t. Damn that whole information obtained within the limitations of public domain… As most of my rantings are, this entire thing has been a satire ( Don’t get me wrong, I think the moral majority of those that claim “Juggalo” are completely worthless… like asshole on elbow worthless ), but like all satires do, this one has run its course. Which sucks of course, because now I have to find a new group of targets to play with. Awe, sad face. 

But wait! Has a new target of people presented themselves? Why yes I think they have! Scene-whores! What’s a scene whore you ask? No, I don’t mean “scene” as in Emo, that’s far too easy. ( Though now that I think about it I need to look up a few of those people too… they are always entertaining. ) 

Back in the day, before we had things like 56K modems and CompuServe there was a technological wonder known as dial in bulletin board systems. These amazing machines allowed us to throw the phone hand-set on our “oh-so-technologically-advanced” analog couplers and dial directly in to said BBS. Talk to each other, play amazing games such as LoRD and Trade Wars… it was a better time, an intelligent time. The time before AOL. This was also the time of the hacker. 

Years later ( about mid-way through the height of IRC usage and promptly after the movie Hackers released ), the idea of being a “hacker” became “cool”… oi… such annoying times. This is where the scene-whore was born. Women who would fuck a hacker for status, and men ( usually referred to back then as lamers… which I’m sorry, sounds gayer than Holywood Blvd during the release of “To Wong Fu” ) that would essentially just bullshit their way through conversations in a failed attempt to sound “1337”. ( By the way, hackers never used “leet speak”… in all honesty, I have no fucking idea where that garbage came from… probably Juggalos ). If you don’t get the idea by now, find yourself a brick and be imaginative with your choices in life. 

Enter, The Packet Princess v2.0! ( Lucky, if you’re reading, this reference has to have you rolling by now. ) This comment comes to you courtesy of the Baby Juggalower Your Standards post. 

Hmmmmmmmm 

First thing that came to my mind was that old Crash Test Dummies song… Christ I’m getting old. 

I think this guy is talking to much shit 

I really wonder how much is “too much” shit. I mean hell, Germany’s porn industry is based around the idea of massive amounts of human fecal matter and to this day I still hear about “Two Girls One Cup”… can there ever really be TOO much shit?! 

so I am going to take this site done 

Hrm… what exactly does this mean?! “Take it done”… is he going to “take” my site until he’s “done”? Well that’s not appropriate… you should at least take it out to a nice dinner and call it in the morning before you “take” it. Better yet, you might want to consider getting a real girlfriend and stop lusting after my domain… 

and Yes I can do that as cause I am a hacker/bot net user 

 

Oh teh noes! Not ze hakarz! Ok a little lesson for those of you that aren’t up to speed on the terminology here. A “bot net user” is essentially someone who is going to attempt to perform a DDoS attack on this site. Imagine this website is a shot glass, and he has a pitcher filled with fragmented packets ( random crap data ). He is going to attempt to pour that pitcher into the shot glass until the shot glass over flows and eventually falls over. This is not hacking, this is called packeting. We make fun of kids like this… thus, Packet Princess. Though amusingly enough, he didn’t use any proxies… thank for the IP Address buddy. Your ISP will be thankful. 

But I am not going to be here log 

 

It’s looooog it’s loooog it’s big it’s heavy it’s wood! 

or is it going to take long for this site to be fucked up 

 

You know, I keep calling my site a light weight but it never learns. Don’t mix light and dark alcohols website! You always get too fucked up too fast and make an ass of yourself! 

So have fun with it I will give you 2 days to read and copy what you want from it to your notepad 

 

“Notepad”… Window user. Big hacker here guys! OR! I could just… back up the database… mind if I do that? 

and NEVER FUCK WITH JUGGALO”S!! 

 

I don’t know why but I just about lost my shit laughing at the quote used as a hyphen. Something so small shouldn’t make me giggle like a school girl… 

We always have back up there buddy 

 

“I’m not your buddy, friend!” ( I’m just full of the stupid television references this week. ) 

and Get a life and stop trying to spy on a fucking kid just to get your damn dick up you butt fucking fag. 

 

Stalking requires effort. I hate things that involve effort… anyways, only a bloody poodle wrapped in 3 day old bacon could get my dick up. 

2 Days Count down nicely. 

“1… 2…. 5 I mean 3!” 

Though you know what? I’m not sure how long I will be done with the Fag House lackies… I mean, I have a phone number, names, dates, times, locations of a Fag House gathering. There is going to be unsanctioned combat, more than likely underage drinking, willing to bet weed. Maybe a call to the Port Orchard Police could prove most entertaining… Anyone live in Port Orchard that owns a police scanner willing to record the hilarity?