I’ll say this much…

You live in Georgia.

When I say I can find you, I can.

…No seriously, that was the comment.  I wish I was making this up, but I really don’t think I have the mental capacity to be this window licking retarded.  So in response I would like to list all the places that are easily accessible to anyone with half a brain that not only state the fact that I live in Georgia, but that I live in MARIETTA ( Are you paying attention Bryan? ) Georiga.

• This website.
• Vampire Freaks. ( You know, where I found your prostitute of a siste… I mean, girlfriend? )
• MyYearBook.
• Live Journal.
• Oh yeah, and the fact that THE FUCKING AREA CODE OF THE PHONE NUMBER UNDER EVERY SINGLE GOD DAMN POST BELONGS TO ATLANTA MIGHT BE A BIG FUCKING CLUE AS WELL YOU INBRED SISTER FUCKING HICK.

Jesus Christ, where are these people made?  I mean seriously, I am sincerely worried that this kind of stupid is contagious on an epidemic level.  Screw H1N1… we need to be focusing on bleaching the gene pool of Texas.

…then again, they are both from Texas, for all I know they very well could be related… I suppose in the eyes of “Bryan”, anything is better than the cows on the family farm.

Hey guess what douchebag, Joyce just so happens to be my girlfriend.

Chicken butt! Oh, wait, you were being serious… sorry. Ok, I’ll play your game Bryan, guess what! Joyce is a prostitute. I like this game!

You screwed up. Big time.

Dun dun duuuunnnn, enter, Bryan; The E-Tough-Guy. Boy do I love these people, keyboard warriors! Round one… FIGHT!

I’ll find out who you are

Here it comes, wait for it, it’s going to be epic, I just know it!

where you are and all I need to in order to kick the living shit out of you.

There it is! The E-Threat! Though I really wish these kids would come up with something a little more interesting…. I mean if I had a nickle for every time someone has told me they were going to “kick the living shit out of me”, I’d have enough to fill a sock and end Bryans inbred blood line forever. So lets make some logical deductions about Bryan, shall we?

• He’s not the Father of Joyce’s illegitimate child.
• As I said above, inbred.
• Well spoken, but all in all has shit for brains.
• Will end up and abusive drunk to Joyce, and her child… if they last that long.
• Has a gene pool so shallow it makes Paris Hilton look deep.

You’re nothing but a sad pathetic low life that hates themselves so they figure they have to post shit about others that’s false in order to make themselves feel better.

You forgot; Drunk, virgin, unintelligent, unattractive, lonely, and virgin, wait, I said that already… Come on man, keep up with the rest of the class.

Way to go douche-bag totally original work here.

Why thank you, I’m glad you enjoy my obvious talents.

Or at least that’s what I’d say if it were the truth and actually were original.

So wait, now you’re taking back what you just said? Well that wasn’t very nice of you, telling a bold face lie. Do you tell Joyce that the mere sight of her pug looking face doesn’t induce the urge to projectile vomit your cousins semen as well? How deep does your exaggeration go, I wonder.

But guess what there’s a ton of losers like you out there that do the same things that you do. You just chose the wrong girl to do it to.

I beg to differ, I think I chose a perfect target. Got my desired reactions, as well as some addition entertainment.

I’ll find you. Just wait it out buddy.

Can you pick up some cigarettes and vodka on your way? I’m running low… but please when you arrive, please don’t just stalk outside my window masturbating like you do while watching Discovery’s; The mating habits of the American Sheep…. it’s not that I would be honored at your sentiment… it’s just creepy is all.

Wait… I figured it out…

Bryan is her pimp!

honestly i loved the rundown, was fun to read, but not quite on the mark. i don’ use my name because i have alot of situations that would become a mess if i did. my home life was good as a kid, don’ worry about the past, it’s the past that’s the point.

straight up i just don’ care enough to type shit out on my phone for the most part so i never mind to look shit over. shit happens.

you’re about 9 years shy on your age, but hey it’s cool, i like lookin young.

now there is somethin itchin in my mind that just won’ go away. I get how you love to pick someone you don’ know and try to give a breakdwn of who they are and what they do, good job you can be mislead by simple things.

when i said a lil i meant a lil, i hate fuckin reading and for the life of me could give two shits about grammer.

i’m probibly never within driving distace of you, mainly because if i had lied about all else on my page why the fuck would i put my real adress? just food for thought.

Anyway if i had to rate it outta 10 i would say maybe 8 or 9. was a good read just not me, must admit it was a nice shot in the dark and it made me laugh a lil.

i’m free to chat mainly at nights after bout 9 east coast time, look i even made it easy for you to find me.

keep doin what you’re doin, enjoy it, that’s what life’ about right? doin what you love.

Markey Out

It’s really interesting how much he has to say considering he “doesn’t care”.  Though what I found most amusing is he corrected a fair amount of his profile, removed that he lives in Savannah, and just told me what his name was regardless of “situations becoming a mess”.  I love it when people contradict themselves for me.

The second response is always amusing as well, the over protective friend, or in this case little girl that has a crush on our delusional friend that runs to the rescue to inform me of how wrong I am and how pathetic my life is;

hey. so i know this guy and haha your totally wrong about like everything. iv known him for about a year now and i know his family and everything. i love this kid to death. haha i thik its funny how you tried to call him out on crtain things but you wre seriously wrong. to me it seems like you ar SO unhappy with your pathetic life that you have o poke fun at thers, but what you dont get, is that yes, someof the ppl you poke fun at will get offended and try to start shit with you. but then others like this amazing guy here, will jus tlaugh and blow it off like it is nothing. im sure you are going to try to classify me now, go for it. you know nothing about me. but i just wanted to inform you, this is one of the best guys around and you were complety wrong about everything. listen to me or not, thats your decesion. if you would like to argue with me you can e-mail me any time

In all honesty, I didn’t bother reading 90% of what this future prostitute wrote because well, I don’t speak, or read trailer trash.  Honestly, can any of you pick out what point, if any she had with this?  From what I was able to translate I got the following, though after doing some digging I was able to make a few logical deductions about her life;

• She never graduated grade school English.
• She is a single Mother that lives with Mommy and Daddy.
• She more than like will end up on welfare.
• She will end up, if not already turning tricks of cocaine money.

Oh well, on the bright side when her illegitimate child grows up, he can be her pimp!

Our oh so elusive friend doesn’t give us a name, but he looks like he went down the side of the fork in the road that leads to and inevitable ability to deep throat a cactus without the slightest effect on the good old gag reflex, so let’s name him “Spencer” shall we?  ( Most homosexual name I could come up with on the spot, forgive me, I’m only on my third glass of wine which is well below the operating regulations for Lucid Model 27.3.

Spencer is single ( naturally ), apparently 96 years old, from Savannah GA ( Oh god, he’s actually within driving distance of me, I wonder if his idiocy is contagious on a pandemic level ), he says he’s straight but well, let’s just say if this kid is straight I’m a compassionate and loving human being, and his occupation is “grunt” which I can only assume is a typo for “cunt”.

To the meat of it all, shall we?

Here is your basic rundown

Let me guess, you’re 17, live with one of your parents or the other ( as they are most likely divorced, he just puts off that broken home vibe ), a virgin, unemployed, and you have an absurdly unhealthy obsession with Golden Girls X-Rated Fan Fiction.

I can’t tell you WHO i am. Sorry thats for personal protection.

Told ya,  I wonder which one was the abuser, the Mother, or the Father.

Yeah sounds corny i know, just don’ ask.

No, it sounds like you are attempting to sound mysterious and special in a world where everything has been done, er-go you are grasping at straws attempting to obtain some small semblance of individuality due to a lack of parental attention.  Sad really, I give you till age 25 before you start torturing small animals before moving on to big boy serial killing.

…Wow that was vile even for me.  I’m so proud of me.

You want my name, Call me Calavera, or Seraph works fine too.

Ok Spencer.

Piss me off, I won’ play nice.

Awe, in before e-tough-guy threats!

Be chill, life will be okay. I write a lil.

Judging by your grasp of linguistics, I would say VERY little.  A lot of his profile is completely worthless information so from here on out I am just going to cherry pick the more amusing bits.

I’m not the nicest of guys but I can be alot worse.

Translation: If you make fun of him, he is going to cut himself until you feel bad about it.  Awe, poor Spencer… do they pick on you in school so you have to resort to affirming your manhood by attempting to sound intimidating over the internet?  It’s ok, one day you’ll reach the pinnacle of your existence and show all those meanies how amazing you are.  On a related note when you hit that spot in your life, I like extra mustard on my burgers… and for fucks sake, don’t burn the fries.  I hate that.

You respect me I’ll respect you.

You see, I can’t possible meant that request.  Respecting you would be a lot like respecting a piece of dog shit that attempting to convince me it was as tasty as cake.  Remember kids, the cake is a lie.

If i don’ respond to your email

It means I’m masturbating to photos of live stock.

Ok, enough of his explanation of who he wishes he was but is far too terrified to actually be, lets take a look at his very limited likes;

reading, writeing, drawing, tattoos

Does anyone else see the irony in that sentence?  Please, tell me I’m not that only one that just about died laughing… please?  I don’t really want to be the only left on the internet with half a brain.

…oh let’s face it with my drinking habits half a brain in the same sentence regarding myself is one of the biggest over statements ever written by human hands.

Dislikes, shall we?

mysterious people, Just fuckin with you. Oh i guess i didn’t mention that i’m a sarcastic ass did i?

I really get perturbed with people throw around the words sarcastic or sardonic as a badge of honor… Kid, you have to be at least slightly intelligent to be either, and from what I’ve seen I’m still confused as to how you were able to claw your way out of the vagina of that window licker you call a guardian without somehow getting tangled up in your cord ending in a violent death for the both of you.

…good lord, I’m getting a bit dark tonight.

NEXT!

…who knew?

-Finish a book and/or story
-Less things that are bad for my health (mostly because of the financial burden, admittedly)

Now, for some 2009/00s-wrap-up-crapola.

Goodbye to the Age of the Vampire. I’ll be honest, I won’t miss it a damn bit. I’m not sure if anyone else has called it the Age of the Vampire, but since I’m unaware, I’m totally snagging props for it.

If you’re unaware as to why one would call it the Age of the Vampire, chances are you haven’t really paid attention to the movie theater or a television or the internet or, hell, bookstore this past decade – count yourself lucky on most accounts, although you did miss some pretty neat stuff at the same time – and are blissfully ignorant of the stampede that is the vampire herd.

Sure, there’ve been arguments that we’ve ALWAYS been in a vampire craze. That every decade someone lifts the metaphorical shovel and drops a whole new load from the pile on our faces. That might be true. In fact, it probably is. I’m not going to look and try to confirm it, but knock yourself out. The reason I won’t look is because I’m not talking about actual vampires. No, I’m not referring to the vampires of yesteryear: Nosferatu, Dracula. Shit, I’d even count Anne Rice’s superhero/religiously symbolic vampire novels and movies as ‘classic’ vampires at this point, even though I mostly blame them for what people now accept as vampires.

No, I’m not going to go an anti-sparkling-vampire rant or go on about how vampires with a Matrix trilogy wardrobe piss me off. But I will mention them. And I just did. Sneaky, aren’t I?

I’d like to say hello to the Age of Angels. With bloodsucking emo boys and girls out of the way, why not some emo boys and girls from Heaven? Or, hey, here’s an ‘original’ idea! Angels from HELL. Oh, man. Someone copyright that and take the check to the bank today, because hot damn. No one’s ever heard o– what’s the Bible again?

But I digress. The Age of the Angels. It’s something of a prediction on my part. And on alot of folks’ part, based on a little lookie-lookie around the intermess. What with Fallen (a ‘young adult’ novel, which I presume means it’s on par with Twilight, but I won’t make any hard assumptions) and its movie rights getting bought by Disney. What with Legion coming out, which looks awesome but is likely just the proverbial doorman to Motel Sparkling Angel. I figure that by 2020 I’ll be wanting that John Travolta movie Michael back like a crack fiend wants a candy bar. They like candy bars, right?

Now, before you tell me crap about how we’re ‘always dishing out angel media’, please read above about the vampire thing. Think about Twilight, think about Underworld. This is the kind of ‘modernizational’ form of classic things I’m talking about. Putting things in a trenchcoat or making them cry and/or sparkle doesn’t put a unique twist on things. Let’s be serious and objective. We aren’t thirteen, here.

—-

Let’s give a goodbye to the year (and decade, in the interest of fairness) of ‘important’ peoples’ deaths. Now, before I mention the first guy that pops in my head when I say ‘important’ in what amounts to internet air quotes, I want you to go grab a cup of tea or coffee or whatever it is that helps you relax or, at the very least, helps you shut the hell up.

Okay, ready?

Great.

Michael Jackson.

…are we still friends? If so, let’s keep going.

I’m not denying the man’s singing career. It was impressive. Not a fan of his music (or him) all that much personally, but I can see the allure. I’m not going to mention all the crap about the little kids or anything, because it’s really been done to death. Oh, look, I was sneaky again. I didn’t even see that one coming. Heh. Comi–

Sorry, let’s keep going.

Billy Mays. Now, the only reason this guy is famous is because of the existence of three groups of people. The first being people who have insomnia and/or some other reason to be awake at night to catch the infomercial shitstorm that rolls in at around 3AM. The second being people who are fans of buying things based on a televised advertisement, and the third, of course, being engrossed in internet pop culture.

I’m looking at you, 4chan.

I’ll try not to be longwinded on dead people from this decade (actually I only mentioned two and they were from this past year… crap, hurry, pick someone else from another year!) so I’ll spare you too many more.

William Hanna passed away in 2001. You might remember his last name if you’ve ever watched any cartoon from Hanna-Barbera. To alot of people – mostly furries or cartoon enthusiasts – this was a shot to the bojangles/ovarian region. But, really, he had little to nothing to do with cartoons as of about ten years before his death. I loved the cartoons produced as a child, but looking back at it now I can only give a tip of my hat. If I had one, that is. So, I’ll tip my oversized mug of ice water.

Here’s to you, Hanna.

Oh, and the ‘Barbera’ part of Hanna-Barbera died, too. Insert copy-pasted paragraph here. Sorry, Joseph Barbera.

Ronald Reagan died in 2004. The guy was an actor, then the president of the Screen Actors Guild, then he decided ‘What the Hell? If I can run this mess, I can run an entire COUNTRY!’ and became president for two terms, then he was blissfully unaware of the world for the last 15 years of his life thanks to Alzheimer’s. Lucky bastard. Living the life I could only dream of. Except for the president part and the Alzheimer’s part. And the acting part, for that matter, I can barely pretend to be asleep.

While we’re on the topic of 2004 deaths, Marlon Brando, better known as ‘that guy from The Godfather with that Mafia voice’ passed away. Are you expecting a Mafia crack? Or maybe a jowls joke, since the man had some impressive old man jowls? Well, I would never stoop so low.

In ’06, we had Gerald Ford die. He lived to be 93, like Reagan. I’m pretty sure his only will to live there toward the end was to beat Reagan’s record as longest living President by as much as he possibly could. I know that’s how I’d keep going. But, he died on Christmas, which is honestly a dick move on his part. What would Santa think?

Five days later in a surprisingly un-dick move (for the first time in his adult life), Saddam Hussein was executed for war crimes after being found imitating Bugs Bunny. You’d think he’d have learned that it was a right at Albuquerque by just watching the damn cartoons, but hey. What can you do?

—-

All in all, the 00s weren’t so bad. Unless you count the wars, turmoil and death in the Middle East, the 9/11 attacks, the crashing economies, the unemployed millions, the serious lack of equality based on sexual preference, the Armageddon Clock making out with midnight or the lack of progress as a species/civilization as a whole.

Which I don’t.

Happy 10s!

So we all remember the voice mails yes?  Someone butchering the English language in an attempt to… hell I don’t know… intimidate me I suppose?  As someone said on face book about one of those posts, a “Telephone Badass”, I believe that was the term.  Which was actually fitting, blocking his number, talking what I suppose in his leave it to beaver town is considered “trash”… you know… a normal Monday in my world.  Well you also remember that because he was blocking his number ( Which is registered in what I can only assume is a family members name… really stupid idea. ) so I really had no idea who was babbling on the other end.  Knowing that these kids have a psychotic level of pseudo-self-accomplishment… I intentionally called out their man-child leader, and openly blamed him for the email…  that’d piss off whoever it was enough to come forward.

Ahhh the human condition, isn’t it fun?

Naturally, Jared skipped to the sound of my drums… *sigh*, I remember when I actually had to try to get these kids to dance for me… oh, at least it makes for good entertainment!  So, before I start getting off track ( like I do ), allow me to introduce! Baby Juggalower Your Standards!  He can’t drink!  He can’t smoke!  But god damn-it all… HE R TUFF!

( Keep in mind this kid asked me multiple times in this voicemail, and about 5 times in their chat room to write a “bloAG” about him… I finally decided that he really needs attention, parents are probably separated, he just wants someone to love him. )

Enter, the voicemail, as transcribed as close as possible to how he speaks;

Alright uhhh.. Luciiiid or whatever the fuck yer name iiiisss.

Remember kids, Marijuana affects your speech patterns… in this case, in a very… VERY obvious manner.

Alight, this is gunna be the first REAL voice mail yer gunna get.

The other ones must have been imaginary.  Damn it, I hate it when figments call my phone and leave me threatening messages.

This is Jailbait Jared

Ok, the term “Jailbait” generally speaks to the idea of someone below the age of 18 that is desirable to those above the age of 18… resulting in possible jail time…  He’s defiantly underage… but that desirable part?  Yeah, delusions of grandeur… seems to be a trend with his genre.

pretty sick if what yer sayin’

I’m typing it, not saying it.  Saying requires there is a voice… well, in my world it does at least, which in my world, 90% of the time, I’m correct 100% of the time.

ya know…

Why yes, I do believe I know what you are saying.  ( Sorry, obvious South Park reference there. )

bout my family and shit ya know yer sittin here talkin shit yer sittin here

I said nothing about Sylvester or any of your real family… delusional little child… now stop being redundant.

writin these bloAGs that make…   I would say no ( whither? ) sense here…

I really honestly don’t know what he said, it sounded like “whither”…  also, if you listen to the voicemail, it seems he has a slight speech impediment… what the fuck is a “bloAG”?

but… ya know in YOUR opinion that makes a lot of sense but then again that’s becuz yer an alcoholic like who, you know sits on yer computer and does nothing.

Read above, 90% -> 100%… though you don’t make much sense there… If I was sitting at my computer doing nothing, this site wouldn’t be here.  Poor little confused child… and lastly… look at the domain name sparky, read the posts, calling me an alcoholic is like calling your gene pool shallow… we all know it, there’s no point in stating it.

Yer gunna keep writing and yer gunna keep writing and typing a-fucking-way

In all seriousness, have you smoked so much weed that you have a .5 second span of memory?  You LITTERALLY just said the same fucking thing not once, not Twice… but THRICE!

Do it.  Just go do it.

You know, Tiger Woods just did it… now he has to pay some ugly chick 300 million USD.  I prefer not “Just Doing It”… that and my fiancée could more than likely kick my ass.  No way I’m walking away from that one.

Because you know what?

Dogs can’t look up?

Yer not realizing… that these little bloAGs are not affecting anybody here

Says the man that just keeps on coming back!  Hey, maybe you could leave me another close to three minute voicemail telling me how much you don’t care.  Convincing.

 it’s just making you look like a dumb alcoholic FUCK!  Which… you are…  you are a stupid alcoholic fuck…

You already said that… remember?  Wait, maybe you don’t.  Poor little stoner.

and yer not getting anywhere in life… whitch yer little website.

I wasn’t aware I was attempting to “get anywhere in life” with my website…  I was always under the impression it was for my entertainment.  Now entertain me puppet!

Keep typing away Sir.

…I can so do that.

But you know, if that’s whatcher  gunna do,  that’s whatcher gunna do,  and I guess we can’t stop you.

Redundant… but that is one of the more intelligent conclusions you’ve come to thus far.

But uh, as I said I gave you an invitation to the Fag House Gathering

No thank you, I don’t go that way, but thank you for the compliment, I’m very happy you find me attractive.

and if you’d LIKE to come… go ahead and do it.

Wow… please, stop coming on to me kid.  You’re just embarrassing yourself…

Leaves(?) July 6.. though the 13..uuuhhh, yeah the 13th here and its gunna be in Port Orchard, Washington

Yes, another kid from a town that has a crime rate of… my testicles.  Man these kids are “hard”.

Now, I’m personally inviting you, because this will be held at my home.

( What the 15 year old means to say is his Grand-Mothers house. )

Aaand, you know, theres gunna be DJ Fag House there,  and prolly Critter will be there, hey maybe Tiff will be there… so… you know all yer little people thatchoknow wanna have beef with are going to be there Sir…

Well at least he respects his elders… though calling me Sir won’t change the fact that if Tiff is going to be there, there won’t be enough beef for anyone else. 

So you know if you wanna be a man and face them… do it.

Last time I checked flying to the contrast coast to beat up some fat kids and a girl is not exactly what is considered acting like… “a man”.

And hey, if any shit starts… you can step, you can fucking step to any of em.

Step?  I don’t want to step.   Want to dance.  Lord of the dance.  BOW BEFORE MY SKIPPITY FEET!

You can have a sanctioned fight…

Sanctioned?  Really… and who is the legal authority that is sanctioning this event?

Because we already have.. a little… couple events going down involving fighting

( Talking about how “badass” Juggalos are. )

and wrestling

( Latently homosexual snuggling. )

and some MMA

( Angry, sweaty, snuggling. )

Sooo… if you’d like to step to them,  please do Sir.

There’s that respecting his elders again.  You know, I really can’t hate him too much, he keeps addressing me as his superior… brings a tear to my eye.

Anyway, yer gunna put this on yer little bloAG… whatever,  go ahead and do it…  I don’t give a fuck….. but, before I hang up,   I’s jus gunna letchu know… that no matter what you do, no matter what you say,  you don’t have any information on any of these people…

Blah blah blah blah, you’ve already said this.  Being redundant again, put down the pipe sparky.

Not even Me.

Your online alias is Jared Jailbait, other-wise known as Jared Plique.  The phone you are dialing me from is registered to one; Sylvester Plique.  From what I gather you live with, or near your grand-mother Helen ( more than likely with ).  You took very adorable pictures on your birthday ( 13^th ) with her.  Your aunt Jennifer died at 12:45PM Tuesday, August 21^st 2007.  I’m sure you and Brenden and Joey were just “crushed”.  In some parts of the world you are “Engaged to the best girl in the whole world”, in other you are currently looking for “Juggalettes” on ICP related dating sites…. By the way, stop calling people and harassing their girlfriends… though that could have been Sylvester… the report doesn’t signify one or the other.  Shall I continue?

All you have on us,  is what you can get from our profile… and if you want… write a whole fuckin bloAG about Fag House Sir… I’ma letchu go now…

Thanks for playing, sorry I don’t have a tacky T-Shirt to offer as a consolation prize.

Por quuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuéééééééééééééééééééééé

¿Cómo estás?

Usually I would end this with something amusing or entertaining… but Tekken 6 is stealing my attention.  So pretend I said something funny.

…then laugh about it.

…and tell me what I said… so I can laugh too.

As per your request for submissions to Sloshed, I wanted to include the attached photo of two of the biggest douchiest douchebags I’ve ever met…
GODSPEED!!!!

Your argument is invalid….

Mmmmm… Kabobs…

To catch you up, last night I wrote a story about a angry little ginger. Naturally, he had more than a few things to say about that via comments. Now, he left said comment last night, yes, I could have responded to it then but I had a purpose with waiting until now which I will explain later in this article. So let’s get to it, shall we?

[ For those of you that wish to pull the “too long didn't read card, he's an idiot and here's the punch line ]

Before accusing someone of calling and leaving harrassing messages and talkin shit to you online make sure it was actually them..before you throw a blog tantrum get your facts straight.

Well, I do remember saying you left threatening voice mails, but that second part? No… no recollection… let me re-read what I wrote about you real quick. Nope, never said that, poor little illiterate red-neck. This is where I get to the explanation of why I waited! You see, if it was one of his lackeys, they would have already piped up about who left the message… seeing as by tracking every hit that comes here, they’ve returned many times, yet!.. No-one has piped up. Also, the message said very specifically “My room”, showing ownership… logically speaking ( as the little wiggers that follow this douche-canoe don’t seem to posses a mind of their own and would never wish to anger their fearless man-child leader )… It was you! Ain’t psychology fun. Onward Captain Poopy-Pants!

Your public out cry for attention is histerical.

Well yes, that’s kind of the point isn’t it? Entertainment value? I’m glad you agree.

Trying to get attention by mentioning mad house and myself is honestly quite sad.

Sad? Possibly… Rather effective? Proven to be most effective. Thanks for playing!

You are correct i was born in Laconia New Hampshire.

I usually am.

I havent been there in a very long time so next time try paying attention to whats being said, i am FROM laconia New Hampshire, i said nothing about living there still..

Well, doesn’t seem by this sentence you’ll be correcting me… sooo… Hows Laconia? Dad still in prison for live stock molestation? ( So I’ve been told )

who are you trying to reach with these blogs anyway?

God. You see, I figure if I amuse the powers that be enough they will look passed my alcoholism and chronic masturbation… Gotta get in to Heaven some how!

i have no clue where your getting your information from but obviously its from an unreliable source

Hey! The voices in my head are rarely wrong! No cut that out, you’ll make them sad… and believe me, no-one wants to deal with emo psychological abnormalities.

probably some under age kid that wasnt alloud in do to the fact there IQ level was about the same as yours.

( I don’t think he realizes that he just gave a fictitious character one hell of a compliment. )

But i will say this…

Oh oh! Let me guess. “I feel like chicken tonight! Chicken tonight! Chicken tonight!”?

im HONORED you took time out of your “busy schedule” to blog about me haha…

Awe. I was hoping for a catchy jingle from my youth. Though its painfully obvious my schedule at the moment isn’t the absolute definition of busy…

how dorkishly nice of you.

Wow, I don’t think I’ve heard the term “dork” used as a disparaging term since… what… the late 80′s? Kudos to you man, bringing it back.

Maybe instead of blogging about folks you should focus on getting a job and out of mommy and daddys house (i have my inside sources too)

Man your inside sources must be taking some psychotically amazing drugs. Tell them to share! I haven’t had a good trip in a long ass time. Though I suppose you’re correct in one aspect of that sentence, I do not in fact have a job. I have a career. Though hey, I’ll see you at work tomorrow, and remember I like extra onions on my burgers.

Im actually very well like in the juggalo nation

Really? Judging by the comments left here apparently you’re a pretty big failure in your scene. Though I suppose self induced reverse psychology is a viable means of existence.

only a select few do not like me but everyone has a member of there family they dont like;

Speaking from personal experience I assume? So how are family gatherings anyways? Have they let you join the adults table yet?

and this “GINGERLO” stuff is quite humorous

I agree, good to know you’ve accepted my stunning wit and superiority.

i have red hair and a red gotee, how creative of you

Please, please, stop with the compliments! I’m going to blush!

how long did it take you to come up with that? judging by how much effort you took into talking about me it must have taken you a painful two minutes.

Actually I saw the picture of you and it just kind of rolled off the tongue. Amazing, isn’t it?!

To be quite honest i ran your blog past a couple of people to see what they thought.

So what did your parents think? Oh I hope they like me! Please say they like me!

they ask “why is this guy so butt hurt about mad house?”

Awe, apparently they missed the point as well. I suppose that’s understandable, they spawned you… and you seem to be as bright as a broken light bulb, which would make them dumber than a box of toe-nails. Wait… that wasn’t fair. Poor toe-nails.

and honestly im asking myself that same question.

Ok, I want you to imagine a dotted line, and 100 feet above that line there is a dot. Think of that dot as you. Now imagine a dot 100 feet below that line, that dot is “the point”. Yeah, that’s the distance you’ve officially missed “the point”.

I cant figure out why some 27 year old guy is having internet arguments with people.

Read the previous articles, I think one of them depicts my massive amount of free time, alcoholism… I think I called myself an attention whore in one of them too. Not too quick on the draw are you cowboy?

I thought the saying was “with age comes knowledge”

I thought the saying was “With age comes disdain for stupidity”… but I’ve been known to be wrong…. rarely.

my friend you prove that too wrong.

How wrong is “too wrong”? Is it wrong like amusing yourself at the expense of other, such as what I am doing? Or wrong like incest… which you are no stranger to I’m sure.

Instead of acting your age you act like a 14 year old girl gossiping becuase you didnt get your way.

Really? The first image of me that comes to your mind is a 14 year old girl? Someone sound the pedophile alarm! Seriously kid, keep my out of your fantasies.

whats next are you going to rag on hip hop because everyone that does it makes more money then you?

I don’t know, are you going to rag on dirt farmers because they make more money than you?

Its sad in this day and age when a 19 year old has to educate a man almost in his 30’s

Heh, we’ll get to that comment at the end of this article, he who destroys the English language.

( if you really are the age it says on your stickam profile, becuase u act a lot younger)

Maybe if I painted my face like a pedophile clown I could be mature too?!

but im going to wrap this up

Sadly, your father didn’t the night of your conception.

so what “viewers” you actually have can read it.

Well that is actually very considerate of you.

From my understanding you have aprox. 4 subscribers, ooooo big popular man huh lol

This actually confused me until I looked at my front page trying to figure out what the hell he was talking about. Apparently I left my test code for the Google toolbar thing still running. Your sources suck again! ( This is becoming a trend )… I actually have 3 people that read the site! So there!

have a good day

Always do, thank you! Very kind.

10 Gauge A.K.A DJ_MaD_HoUsE

Translation: Slugger A.K.A. Incestuous Pedophile Clown.

P.S. you are absolutely right suicide is popular around this time of year.. thats why i fully support you on giving it a try.. without you the world can prosper.

Please, me? Commit suicide? I love myself far too much for that.

MMFWCL TO THE JUGGALO NATION

Oh yeah?! I can to that too! UHFWEIFEWIBFBEWG TO THE CLONE ARMIES!

So I responded to that whole tirade with I will get back to it later after I decipher half of what the hell he typed… his response?

well if you need to decypher it when i used correct english for the most part maybe your the one who needs to brush up on your english/grammar… I didnt mean to confuse you, But i do understand you need to take a second to answer it… take your time.

Some of you old timers know whats coming… don’t ya.

DJ Pedophile Gets Graded!

Oh and yes DJ, I realize my punctuation and grammar are just as bad… the difference is.

…I’m better than you, thus, I’m always right.

Get used to it.

Remember last night, I’m sure you do, but if not, lets start with the first voice mail. Yes, the one where he ended with calling me a “faggot” then inviting me to his “room”. Yeah, the latent homosexuality that screamed from that sentence hurt my soul… irony, anonymous calling be thy name…

Though recent events ( as of today ) have helped me learn the identity of said anonymous caller! Apparently, even fans of ICP hate this little club house of “juffalos”… ( I had to ask Girl Infected what that word meant… ) They are apparently a Stickam group called MaD HoUsE… clearly the alternating caps are for that extra dosage of 31337omfgwtfbbqhardcore… but I digress. They even have a websi… uhm… flash… they have a thing that I’m sure they consider a viable internet entity… I’ll let you look at it for yourself as well, I see no need to comment on something that pathetic.

This little club house of “juffalos” and “fat sweaty betty’s” ( Infected also taught me that term ) is ran by a man child that goes by the name of “DJ Mad House”. ( Unrelated note, why is it that anyone with Winamp, I-Tunes, and a webcam considered a DJ now days? …. anyways ). From here on out I will be referring to our little DJ friend as Gingerlo. ( Look at the picture, he’s a fucking ginger! ) Seriously, the bad ass from last night… is a soulless ginger… I was threatened by Raggedy Fucking Andy! Priceless, simply priceless.

Gingerlo hails from the mean streets of Laconia, New Hampshire… seriously? Yeah big guy, you’re a thug alright… you come from a place that last year had 1 murder… ONE… FUCKING… MURDER. Hell the last big to-do in your backwoods town was more than likely the community strawberry pie festival. Before I go into what he’s written on his little profile, lets make some logical assumptions here shall we? Here we go;

• Over-privileged
• Under-educated
• Mommy/Daddy issues
• Didn’t get a pony for Christmas

You all know I could go on amusing myself…

WHAT UP FOLKS

What’s up Doc?

FIRST OFF YOU CAN CALL ME 10 GAUGE..

“Can”, requiring I have the ability to do so, which, well…. I don’t. I’ll stick with Gingerlo, unless you wish to inform me what mammy and pappy’s nick-name is for you during Thanksgiving dinner. I bet it’s “Slugger” isn’t it. Little bitty Slugger grows up so fast! -tear-

I AM THE OWNER OF THE ONE AND ONLY MaD_HoUsE CHATROOM

Reach for the stars Gingerlo, with aspirations like that, one day, if you study hard and eat your green veggies you might even graduate to cleaning septic tanks! Just like your dear old Dad use to do before he got locked up for fornicating with the towns cow population… or so I hear…

COME ON BY AND HAVE A GOOD TIME

I tried! Hell I figured I would have been welcome after that warming invitation but, well, you banned me. All talk, no action… typical. Here I thought our relationship was going so well!

That’s pretty much his introduction so I am going to have to dip in his “About Me” section here for some of the more “interesting” tid-bits… “interesting” of course directly translating to mind-numbingling-pants-on-head-retarded.

my name is vyrus.

Poor kid can’t even spell his name right, so sad.

i AM a juggalo and will be till the day i die

Oh, he IS a Juggalo! You can tell by the completely out of place caps-lock usage. Well guess what Mr. Fancy Pant’s, it seems Juggalos don’t like you. Such a sad story, *rejected by your own kind. You know, I hear suicide is popular this time of year…

if you dont like it, oh well go to someone elses page. im a nice guy and i hate people who give attitude for no reason

Read: I act like a bad ass online, but I really want people to love and accept me. Please love me, please oh please? Gingers need love too!”

so dont try it

Too late.

*If you read through the comments of some of the previous posts you will notice that this douche-nozzle connected to the sea of fail is even hated by what he claims.