At any rate for those of you that missed my last post in the series “Flailing in the Dark”, or decided to go the less awesome; “I never passed grade school TL;DR” route, allow me to sum it up for you.  A game was developed for about 8 years, the developers of the game are compulsive liars, and its community has the combined intelligence of those of you that believed in the swine flu scare…. Oh, and Tasos Flaming ass is the ringer leader to Americas future welfare recipients.  Oh yeah, and the game is called DarkFail… err, DarkFall.. yes, DarkFall.

In this part ( Part 2 for you slow learners ), will firstly be a bit shorter than part one, and also will be focusing on a man more in love with himself than Obama Bin Laden…  wait, I mean… no wait never mind I meant exactly what I said… ANYWAYS!  On with the show!

Allow me to paint a picture for you here, take every jock you’ve ever met, couple that with a social disorder that can only be described with “I’ve never touched anyone of the female gender”, add a dash of compulsive liar, and a side of greasy Greek and you have Tasos Flambouras.

Tasos enjoys Sailing, Videogames, Martial arts, Music, Binge Eating and creeping the fuck out of mildly attractive women. ( Tasos obviously being the far right douche-canoe ).  Though I find the martial arts interest amusing being that by the looks of him, the only thing he has ever gotten in a arm-bar is a case of Crisco…

Through his career Tasos has been the public eye of DarkFail, breaking promise after promise, proclaiming how amazing the game is, as well as how awesome he thinks he is… which I find offensive as anyone of this magnitude of failure is obviously no-where near my level of awesomeness.  While citing exact accounts of how much in love this man is with himself would be proper, it is a lot easier for me to tell you to go to google and search for the following; “Tasos Flambouras interview”, seriously, go, I’ll wait…. 

See?  Told ya, the guy is a walking advertisement to kids with nerd-rage everywhere.  You know the kids that spend hundreds of dollars on their cosplay suits to go to some random convention only to walk away still a virgin?  Yeah, he makes them look cool.

Being that I have basically said everything I can about who he is, there is one story I would like to tell you about this closet dwelling freak of nature that happened rather recently;

A bit ago a gaming site called EuroGamer did a review of DarkFail, this gaming site of course not accepting bribes from companies like most others  ( Read: PCGamer, GameSpy, IGN ) gave DarkFail a horrid review… rightfully so as the game is an atrocity to all man-kind, as I will get to in part 4 more than likely.  Well, Tasos would have none of this!  So, he proceeded to inform the world that the review didn’t spend any time in the game and that he could prove it by sending logs of his account claiming that “SQL Logs can’t be falsified.”

Seriously… he said that.  If you don’t know why this is funny, allow me to show you!

update tblPlayerStats
set MinutesPlayed = 300
where name = ‘EuroGamerReviewer’;

That’s it!  That’s all a person has to do the change the logs in a SQL database!

Hey, Tasos, you might want to consult your tech’s before publicly blithering your stupidities and expecting intelligent society ( Read: Those that aren’t fans of DarkFail ) to believe you.  Well, EuroGamer, giving Tasos the benefit of the doubt ( For some fuck all reason ) offered a re-review of the game via a different reviewer.

Long story short this is how it went;

Tasos: DELETE REVIEW OR WE SUE YOU!
EuroGamer: Would you like a re-review?
Tasos: NO, WE SUE NAO!
EuroGamer: …Ok, well, when you want that re-review let us know.
Tasos: FINE! WE WANT RE-REVIEW!
EuroGamer: Ok, send the account information.
Tasos: NO! YOU NOT RE-REVIEW YER STOOPID BAI!
EuroGamer: …Okie dokie then.

Tasos went on in childish nature ( as expected ) to bitch and moan about how unprofessional EuroGamer is, yada.

I think you pretty much got the point by this time right?

Oh, by the way, Tasos, all content contained within this site is not projected as fact, it is in fact the property, and OPINION of the reviewer.

…just like it is of my OPINION, you are a raging homosexual.

Stay tuned!  Next article: The DarkFail Community

Getting off topic here…

ANYWAYS! Some random Norwegian morons announced that they were in the beginning stages of developing a game that will revolutionize the market!  The game was described as nothing short of the cure for cancer, erectile dysfunction, and a jump start to your greasy 30-year-old-living-in-Moms-basement sex life, this majestic failure of the gaming industry was to be called; “DarkFall”  Shortly thereafter, said Norwegian morons basically ran out of funding and joined forces with some Greek no-name morons ( December 2002 ).  Three years later ( September 2005 ), the DarkFail website sported a fancy new clan sign-up for closed beta, which of course, never actually happened.  On year later ( February 2006 ) in an attempt to appease the few followers left in their community, they decided to release a 1.5 minute video of their game-play, which essentially to the intelligent person was in all actuality mostly 3D Studio max rendered flyovers of cities, and the like.

This was when the no-name morons spin-doctor; “Tasos Flambouras” ( Seriously, that is his name, hold the homosexual references until after the presentation please ) really came into the light of the public, but we will get to that complete douche canoe in part two of this. July of 2006 they announced that preparations were under way for DarkFail to go into beta ( again ), though the company had no official publishers at the time.  Six months later ( January 2007 ) they announced that they were in negotiations with multiple publishers and had fully functional, and stable beta servers running.  ( I hope you are beginning to see a trend emerging here, if not, you must be a DarkFail fan boy, or a complete dolt… as redundant as that statement was. )

August of 2007 they announced that beta would not begin until all negotiations with possible publishers were completed, and to no surprise “Tacos FlameFuckMeInTheAss” was busy informing the world of how great he was, as usual.  Between that time and April of 2008 ( About the time that they had announced that the game would go into beta sometime later that year ) more videos were released, which of course looked nothing like the original videos, Tacos had announced that the game was 100% stable, feature complete, and could release that day “if they wanted to”, but would not release before a full cycle of closed, as well as public beta.

August of 2008 DarkFail finally went into closed beta ( And hell was reported to have officially frozen over ).  December of 2008, Tacos announced that DarkFail would release to the European market January 22, 2009, which then of course when January 22^nd came around Tacos announced that DarkFail would release at the end of February 25^th… then actually released February 26^th…

Then crashed and was down for a week.

At this moment, as no proper amount of testing was ever performed, DarkFail is in what is considered by most intelligent gamers as a Pay-To-Test Limited Closed Beta while they work out the fact that their technology is half-ass, dated, and written by what one could only assume to be 15 year olds’ fresh out of a Computers 101 class.  With the “company” only allowing 500-1000 people to purchase the game at a time, and announcing that they have been banning hundreds of players ( which once banned, you have to actually go and cancel your subscription, or they will continue to bill you, regardless of your account being banned… that’s classy ).

This should have you nice and primed and ready for tomorrows continuation of the Flailing in the Dark series where I will delve into Tacos a bit more, as yes, this guy is worthy of an article dedicated to his exploits in stupidity.

This person was brought to my attention because they apparently were a judge at the “Miss USA” ( Not awesome )  and got his ( Using the term very loosely ) panties in a bunch over the answer “Miss California” ( Not awesome ) had to give for how she felt about gay marriage.  She is apparently against it ( Not awesome ). 

Now, I personally think gay marriage is awesome, thus there should be no more discussion about it, BUT, I also believe in freedom of speech ( Way awesome ).  If you caught my remark above,  you will have already figured out that Perez “Take a tour of my poop-deck” Hilton walks the path of the limp wristed, which is fine, not my bag, but fine.  Though in this country of hypocrites, nothing is ever easy.  You see, Homosexuals, Pro-Lifers  ( Not awesome ), Christians ( Not awesome ), so on, so forth love their freedom of speech.  They wield it like a 9 foot black dildo just waiting to fuck start your face with all of the vigor of a herpes infected catholic school girl, but with others enact that same freedom just opposite their opinion all of the sudden they are intolerant of other peoples life choices.  Federal law being a double edged sword is a son of a bitch, ain’t it Hilton?

Though I suppose I can understand Hiltons point of view.  If I were overweight, undereducated, and butt-fucking ugly, I would more than likely go gay and blame the world for my meth addictions as well.

Yet another inferior human to add to the list of things that are obviously, not awesome.

…that’s pretty much you guys.

Stop looking for some greater meaning to the world around you, I didn’t plan you, and I don’t really have an interest in you.

…I just cant find a coat hanger big enough to get rid of you.

• Unaccetpable of belief systems based off logcal though.
• Overly critical about trivial humor in the media.
• Sociopathetic tendencies.
• ABSOLUTLY NO FUCKING DEPTH PROCEPTION.

Seriously, do you realize those lines in the road are to keep you in your lane?  Not to drive between?  Also, turn signals were NOT made by Satan as previously suggested, its ok to use them, I promise… I mean you’re all going to hell anyways… but come on is it really that hard to shift you have a half-inch to click your blinker on? ( In the direction you are turning please. )

I have decided to smite ( over time ) any and all humans that have that stupid jesus fish sticker on their car.

All of them.

Smity Smite SMITE!

For the following crimes:
- Being a hypocrite.
- Looking like a goomba from Mario Bothers. ©
- Acting like a douche canoe.

He will be sat alongside such faces as Adolf Hitler and Paul McCartney.

Seriously guys, abortion is just the expressway to heaven, the rocket to eternal bliss, a get out of jail free card, if you will.  Hell, I made Man, and Man had the idea, thus, it was MY IDEA.  Not to mention have you seen what most of the pro-life feminazis look like?  Sweet Jeezy Chreezy I didn’t make those bitches in my image, that was all Satan on that day… just talking about them makes me shiver a bit with fear.. and slight nausea.

So just to clear things up, abortion is cool, pro-lifers are going to hell, and I want a sandwich, and I really wish the Holy Ghost would stop cutting holes in my brand new fucking sheets.